He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize