I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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