Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
