I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We had to coat check the pizza.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize