In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
