You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
