why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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