Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
