she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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