you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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