TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
