i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
