Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize