i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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