Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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