According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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