Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
