how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize