She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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