I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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