Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
