Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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