I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
