Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's just like the Real World with babies
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
