Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
