Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
someone owes me an orgasm
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
