If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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