dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
