I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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