you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
