ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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