i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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