You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
