Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
