you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
