So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
