Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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