He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
