You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
