I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize