you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Vodka?
Forever.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
