dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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