I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
