guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
