I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
