Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
