you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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