I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
