i permit you to call me
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
