Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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