It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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