You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
