What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
