Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I want a musical about memes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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