i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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