YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My friends, they love my intelligence
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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