He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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