I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
