On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
