with your own penis?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
