Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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