dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
