are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
