No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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