You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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