Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
