I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
