I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
