I bet he comes in French.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
