I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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