big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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