But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
