I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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