At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
