why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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