I got chris browned last night
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
