he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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