Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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