why didn't you poke me back
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize