Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
