just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
