it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize