last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
