guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
