so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
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