New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
