So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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