i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
