Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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