yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Randomize
