I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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