I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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