the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
