i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
