I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
