Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
