you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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