he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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