it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
