I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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